infryq | Entries tagged with panic

Yesterday the aggregations failed again so I more-permanently turned off validation. I did the laundry and P helped get it on the line. I ordered more drink mix from DripDrop; their flavors are good and it’s easy to dose for everyday use. We had a video call with P’s folks for D’s birthday, which was a bunch of fun. We lit candles and blew them out, and A&M’s new-ish dog co-starred; very cute. Lunch, then P and I rearranged furniture in the work room so now it’s possible to move around in there, plus there’s another flat surface for maybe starting some hand sewing projects. Took in the wash, threw in some sheets, then put a couple hours in on the White. The rheostat is not what I expected; there’s no carbon stack and I suspect it’s not even really a rheostat, just a fat resistor with three settings. Took apart most of the knee lever to be sure, and yeah — it’s just a SP4T rotary switch. So that settles it, definitely replacing the whole shebang with a triac+diac and a continuous pot. Next I have to figure out how to build the circuit correctly so nobody gets electrocuted, which will require some unfamiliar calculations. I need a book.

Hung the sheets out, then dinner, which was challenging. Early period (23 days is some bullshit) plus humidity was either the sum cause of or exacerbated whatever nausea, which did the normal thing of coming in waves until I had a panic attack, worst in a while. Crossword, then did not return to Lucifer but instead started watching Kipo, a kids show about post-apocalyptic earth with tons of mutant/large/talking creatures. A++, would recommend. P helped take in the sheets, then I played Two Dots until I’d exhausted the panic engine, then sleep. Dreamt of debugging fancy drinks machines and being unprepared for an orchestra rehearsal.

Yesterday at work my machine was delivered! I started unpacking my data and installing my usual environment. I finished the PEG implementation of partial conversations and started a Visitor to generate the agent responses. I got a request from W to investigate upgrading CUDA on one of the GPU machines, and a request from B to see if I was okay with releasing some of my lucene code as part of their publication repository. Met with M to kick off his spring semester work. Chatted with C over txt about the PEG stuff, as a social check-in; part of my brain is like “whoa amazing everything seems possible now” and another is “this is not news. talking to people is good for you, even if/especially if it’s non-instrumental” so. thing.

Home on the shuttle with P, who is struggling a bit with first week of classes teaching full-time for his second ever and first winter semester. Put soup in him, did the crossword, sent him off to his evening class. Made tacos, which worked great. P got home, and we decompressed over the dishes. I watched some Voyager, then around 8:30 had an unusually intense panic attack. Echoes were all manageable, but I was up until 10:30 waiting for them to fade. No snack, just sleep. Long involved dreams about road trips in the Cascades, a rising tide that wouldn’t stop, childhood play dates, and gritting my teeth through a loop stunt pulled by a cheeky pilot. Also, rabbits doing headstands. That bit was pretty great.

Yesterday I spent the morning attempting to fix and then building a workaround for an NFS issue, since we’re doing user tests and it has to work. rsync to the rescue. At work I helped with setup: getting the last bunch of packages installed, getting the reasoner to run, testing out the statements file, finding issues. I fixed some formatting irregularities in the statements file, and added some logic in the code so that if it doesn’t find a proof but hasn’t asked the user anything, it will try again with user feedback this time. Home, did a turn through the garden and picked beans, a tromboncino, lemon chiles, and a carrot. I made a questionable choice in jumping to reach some of the pole beans, and bent back a fingernail on the way back down. It bled, but not badly; I think it’ll be fine. Some kind of creature visited the inside of the garden and neatly trimmed some of the carrot tops but ate nothing else. Dinner, crossword, Elementary, snack, micro panic attack, sleep.

G update: he successfully did PT standing up without his blood pressure tanking! Which is good because he is Extremely Tired of the food there. Hopefully just a matter of time now.

Yesterday I sewed the armhole binding on the burgundy floral. We went to Target and exchanged the CO2 canister and got a bin for the clothespins, some organizers for P’s office, seltzer for my office, kind bars, bunny snacks, trail mix, and surprisingly good cheese (a whole milk low-moisture mozzarella, and admired a selection of four different traditional Mexican cheeses). Home for lunch, crossword, then geared up and went to campus and cleared the mouse nest out of my filing cabinet. It was super gross, and I wound up throwing out almost everything, wiping everything down, and tipping the thing over on various sides to shake loose what I could and reach hidden ledges from underneath. I wish I could’ve figured out how to unhook the drawers, but alas. The two neighboring vacant cabinets had also been visited by mice but I didn’t have the spoons to deal with them too. No organics in them aside from what the mice left though so not an urgent issue. P drove us home and I showered to get the worst of the heebie-jeebies off. Amberlough has gone a bit body-horror so I’ve switched to podcasts for a bit. Snack, YouTube long-forms, dinner. Had a panic attack with the food but CBT’d my way out of it, enough to finish eating and escape a cycle anyway. Went directly to bed, uncomfortable but otherwise fine. Sensitive to smell. Not keen on having things in my mouth; brushing teeth was difficult. Dreamt of magic wolves, trains, and helping a mosque write code to make their PA system work. ???

Yesterday I finished the neckline binding on the burgundy floral, and sewed the first seam on the armhole binding on the black. We met up with C and J for lunch at Max’s Tavern on the north side; they’re in town for a birthday sloth visit for C at the aviary and a general Pittsburgh lovefest, which makes me happy. I did okay with sides, but then as we left to drive me over to therapy I started chaining panic attacks, the worst in quite a while. It is however August, when such things start their uptick. Conveniently: therapy. After a brief rundown of what was going on she took a distraction tack and we spent the rest of the hour discussing AI ethics. It more-or-less worked, though I did opt to wfh the rest of the afternoon just to save spoons. I got a good chunk of research done on referential expressions in human languages. I’ve started using a new tool from a CMU research group, called Fuse; it’s kindof Zotero plus snippet capture plus hierarchical cardsorting.

A gentle dinner, crossword (very nice trick for a Tuesday), She-Ra, nearly normal snack, sleep.

Yesterday I finished part one of the daisy print hem while watching an archived livestream from American Duchess on 18th century stays. At work I made an effector for adding a new name for an entity in the knowledge base, and committed the results. Home, dinner, crossword, QE, sleep. Some panic attacks with dinner because anxietybrain is wary of the fermented hot sauce I used. Everything was fine.

Yesterday I staystitched the yoke for the daisy fabric. We went to open studio and I trimmed four bowls/bakers. I tried to trim a closed form P threw but I broke through the bottom 😢

After clay we went to Target and geagle for some time in air conditioning with bonus groceries. Seltzer for work, almond butter, prunes, lima beans, avocado oil, brie, seedy gf crackers, chips, almonds, P snack mix, magic doritos, sausage, pita. Also some robe hooks for the bathroom, and a tp stand and a new scrubber for the third floor.

By then it was like 3pm so I made confusing-meal, which we ate downstairs. It was hot. Spent the rest of the day hiding in the AC and trying to stay hydrated. We did the crossword. I trimmed the hem allowance to size on one of the shirt pieces and started a rolled hem while listening to Ruin. It’s a little extra at times and more and more often but augh I want to see what happens.

We played scrabble and got 604, not bad.

Cold meal around 8 with the new QE, then sleep. Some panic attacks about cheese and heat stress.

Yesterday I overslept, and put the morning into work stuff. We’d forgotten
to run the dishwasher so I did that too. My tailoring supplies shipment
arrived, with fancy buttons for shirts, finer thread, finer needles, zips
for the couch cushion covers, etc. Lunch, then I got word the server
rebuild was done, so I started the configuration process for that. I met
with some high school interns for an hour to tell them about my job; that
was pretty cool. F came by to get help on installing a python package from
source on her Mac, that turned out to not be identifying her OS version
properly. There is something fishy with her gcc too, though that takes ages
to upgrade whether you get it from homebrew or Xcode so we broke for the
day. Home, dinner, trash, then the final soda fire class at the Braddock
pottery. Had a cluster of small panic attacks on the way there that were
probably due to the heat plus eating so close to a drive. Once I got
underground, things were fine. Decided on splatters of glazes, including
spodumene, gold shino, and white liner. The white in particular should look
great against the electric blue flashing slip.

Home, dishes x2, crossword, sleep.

G update: the tube is out! They want to take him off the IV heart meds and
onto oral ones, so he had his first sip of water in a while. Success! Very
good news.